We have all been there and if you haven’t then you’re lying. Fr-envy can come on suddenly or slowly overtime and leaves you so debilitated you can’t even leave the couch to change to the channel to Home and Away (despite your enormous Brax crush). Instead of being supportive of our friends who are living amazing lives and kicking huge goals, we can become clouded by jealously and kind of want to punch their faces in. Sound familiar?
Let’s see, there’s Kelly. She has the gorgeous fiancée with the brand new puppy who is totes adorbs and it makes you feel nauseous just thinking about her overall happy glow. Next door to her is Charlotte who has been promoted three times before 25, makes twice your salary and looks glamorously decked out in annoyingly floaty silk blouses every time you see her. And finally there is Carli, whom you haven’t seen in a year because she is off flitting around the world with a backpack and a collection of Lonely Planets’ having the time of her life (last known location: Turkey).
And down in the real world sits you, becoming more and more depressed about the triumphs you thought you had made, but simultaneously wanting all of the above. And to stay skinny, learn Spanish and meditate every morning, you know to stay spiritually connected.
First piece of advice: calm your farm ladies, second piece of advice: here’s how I spotted my own fr-envy and knocked it on the head.
Scenario: The BF and I were visiting his friend who had just bought a house with his girlfriend. It’s a really nice place and they seemed settled and happy. We were all smiley and chatty but I felt the green lava boiling in my veins. Not only does my BF live 13 hours away, we are so far from buying a house that the picture I was seeing seemed a barely formed fairytale for us. So I silently moped a bit and we left. And then of course because I’m super crap at hiding my feelings, BF noticed the aforementioned moping he encouraged me to fess up. What was my problem?
“I’m just so jealous – look at their amazing house and they live together and wake up to each other every morning. We only have stupid texting and wasted rental money. It’s not fair”.
Being the beautiful human he is this was his response:
“You don’t want a house! You have to have a mortgage and pay exorbitant council rates and deal with crap neighbours. We don’t want to be tied down, we want to travel and see the world before we settle down”.
Fine. Point taken.
Unfortunately for us twenty somethings fr-envy has become a chronic condition we have trouble shaking off. It’s as if we prefer to stay wallowing in the green eyed monstered mud, stewing in our own filth. Gross.
But sitting in the car that day and being berated like a three year old, I realised fr-envy is like a really good Prada knockoff – you would sell your liver to have one but realise later on is totally phony. I thought I was envious of their two garages and perfectly sized backyard but when I really considered the person I am, and what I want out of my life, I’m not ready for that right now. And that is completely ok.
Stay tuned for Part 2 where I’ll list 5 things you can do to overcome fr-envy and kick the habit for good. Trust me your blood pressure will thank you!
Much love and till later