Raising children is a difficult task. Raising a twenty-something can be a total nightmare. To my parents and all of their fellow battlers out there here are a few things we apologize profusely for, but know you will love us anyway.
- We are obsessed with neon and denim on denim but don’t understand that it has already been through three revivals of the trend cycle. And we don’t get your Olivia Newton John in lycra reference but laugh anyway.
- We don’t give up easily. Unfortunately for our parents and teachers, all of that “you can do whatever you put your mind too” enforcement did actually sink in and now we think we’re invincible.
- We will constantly borrow your car and your weed killer sprayer thing. And we will bring our washing to give to our parents to do because “it was raining at my house 3 suburbs away Mum…”
- We will have approximately 16 different partners with Christian names that you can’t pronounce like Chartreuse or Ryder. And they will most likely be vegan so may as well start de-meating the house now.
- We will spend circa $30,000 on a university degree we may not use and will spend more time watching Friends re-runs then actually doing uni work. But you will still cry at our graduation and we’ll tell you you’re embarrassing us.
- We will explore the world, sleep on overnight trains stuffed with chickens and swim with dolphins off the back of some Greek guy’s 30 foot catamaran, and become more cultured than you. But then we’ll come back and cook for you a traditional Spanish paella, so why are you complaining again?
- We don’t care for world news or politics in our early twenties but then will care a lot and claim to know more about world news and politics than you, saying you are now “out of touch old man”.
- We will call you to ask life’s most pressing questions – What does the red light mean on my dashboard, it’s been on for two weeks? How do I know what kind of lightbulb to buy? Do I need home and contents insurance? I know I asked last year but how do I fill out the Medicare section of my tax return again?
- We will complain that we want a great career, to travel around the world and start our own small business right now. And we expect you to listen to all of those complaints and then offer a solution as to how exactly we are supposed to go about achieving that.
- One day in our twenties we will fly out of the nest and take flight into the great beyond. We will be travelling the world, working in our dream job on $15 p/hr or starting our long desired cupcake business. Your heart will swell to 9x its normal size and you will be so proud of the person you raised me to be. Of course there are some of us who will refuse to leave the nest at all and may need some subtle prodding. Putting all of our possessions on the front lawn should do it.
Much love and till later